he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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