Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
