They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
