I wish I could teleport
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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