Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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