Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
