Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
