As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
