New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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