I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
