apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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