it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
