dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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