dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
