Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
