I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
