"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
