so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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