i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
