For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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