dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
