no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
