I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
