...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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