well I can't set my house on fire every night
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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