there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
