If you die in college, do you die in real life?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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