I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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