Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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