stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
