You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
