we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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