I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
