best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
