ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
