the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
