When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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