If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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