dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
