i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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