I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
