how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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