she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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