Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
