I heard we made out
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
