I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize