There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
