Sacagawea was the original milf.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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