Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
