Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
