She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm both gender and math confused
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
