Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize