Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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