Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize