Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
