Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
