Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
