K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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