if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
