Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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