I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
