im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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