Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
