He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
jump out the window naked night went bad
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
