Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
